If you’d like some more nuance and insight, read on.

So, what defines the messy middle and how do I guide you through it?

The messy middle is a transitional state in which we are suspended between the old and the new. Imagine a frog leaping from one lily pad to the other. In the middle there is a dynamic suspension before it lands on the next place of secure ground. Any major disruption to our “business as usual” can do this. Before we land into the “new normal”, we can experience disorientation. This can arouse anxiety and distress. For some, it’s an existential crisis.

We typically respond with a fear driven impulse to quickly replace what was lost or drown ourselves in distraction.

Transitions can be abrupt or gradual changes that are both understood as positive or negative.

Examples of abrupt changes are breakups, divorces, getting fired, being laid off, getting burned out, major illnesses and injuries. But it can also look like getting into a secure relationship, promotions into leadership positions, entering a new income bracket, major windfalls from business success.

This can happen more gradually too. For example, someone who has a sustained career with a lot of success and recognition, can start to feel that something isn’t quite right. That even worse, it all starts to feel meaningless. We can wake up one day to realize that we’ve been living someone else’s blueprint of success and not even know who we are or what we want.

Or the new parent who realizes who they though they were or what they care about has completely changed.

The examples are many, but what is similar in all of them is a moment where we lose our reference points for who we think we are and what we are working toward. This is the messy middle.

For many, the messy middle can feel like a personal failure.

The good news is that this is inevitable and entirely human. We will all have to face a major life transitions sooner or later. However, if someone goes through this without guidance or depth, it can look like the mid-life crisis cliche of a divorce, hot young girlfriend and a new fast car.

These transitional moments hold the highest potential for personal transformation and evolution.

By releasing old ways of thinking and being that were imposed on us by family, culture, society at large, we can come into a more harmonious relationship with who we really are. Rather than running around trying to impress everyone (usually unconsciously), we can turn to a more soulful version of self-expression. This is where we find our life’s work. The way we want to contribute in our life. How we wish to be of service. We can mature from our profession to our vocation. Into what will bring us the greatest depth and satisfaction.

Ultimately, we can begin to ask what is our calling? What is the soul’s desire? If you are soul curious but not convinced, that’s okay.

Classic logic and force are useless for finding our way through. The more we push, the more we try to think ourselves into the next existence, the more miserable we can make ourselves. We’ll just keep repeating the same frustrating loop, eventually finding ourselves confused and bereft in the future.

The old adage of “what got us here won’t get us there” rings true.

So what options do we have? I don’t think I have some magic formula. There is no ONE TRUE WAY. But what I have learned through my education in Buddhist Psychology, my own struggles, and through supporting many others through theirs, is that presence is the key.

What does this mean? Fundamentally, we have learn how to be present with the discomfort of our experience. We have to stop running away. I provide my presence and awareness to support you in yours. I provide the tools for getting quiet and curious to explore your inner landscape.

Rather than searching outside to follow yet another false prophet with the key to success, or acquire another flimsy identity, we can encounter something deep inside that is truthful, wise and ultimately knows the way through. Some call this the higher self, I also call it deep intuitive knowing.

There is no one size fits all to this approach. It relies heavily on trusting my client’s wisdom to show up. And in my experience, always does. I do my best to drop agendas or pushing for results and following the guidance that is immediate. Rather than forcing a new version of you into existence, together we learn to receive guidance and release what is in the way of moving toward a more truthful version of you.

Before I finish I wish to share a note to the mind, the intellect. For the cynic, the one who wants control and proof, this may feel all feel very wishy washy. In my experience this is some of the most confrontational and difficult work you can do. It is not for the faint of heart or the weak willed. This isn’t a lipstick on pig “change of mindset” but an upgrade to how you understand yourself and relate to reality. We will happily employ the powers of the mind, use discernment and enjoy the power of being goal directed when it is ready to serve the higher purpose.

Please reach out if you would like to understand better how your situation relates, and how I may support your journey.